Frustration




Confucius say: he who eat shit feel like shit later.



Spent most of the day shuffling emails back and forth...band stuff, school stuff.  Confirmed that at least three of my students didn't even take their instruments home over the break, and of the rest of them, only one did any meaningful practicing.  I cancelled their lessons for this week and am only teaching the one who practiced, along with two new students.  I don't need to go over the same assignments that I gave them a month ago.

I'm going to have too many students to teach in one day.  Not quite enough to make it worth staying overnight (school is 2 hours away), but too many for one day.  I'll have to make it work.  Money concerns me, but I'll get lots of practicing done.

Other than being pissy, I ventured out in the cold, sunny weather to pay my water bill and get my mail.  I took down my Christmas tree, finally, but couldn't fit it into the box that I set aside for it (the cardboard box was ruined because somebody left it outside when we went to Texas for five days).  I'll have to get a larger storage box tomorrow.

All the frustration and boredom has made me anxious about food.  I don't WANT to eat the lentils, rice, spinach and other things with which I'm usually content.  I want parmesan cheese.  I want pizza!  I'm more than a third of the way through No Dairy January, and I'm not going to screw it up, but I'm annoyed.  I did something horrible tonight--I followed a craving right into chicken nuggets and french fries.  No discernible dairy, but also no nutritional value and probably no naturally-occurring food substances.  I usually steer clear of fast food; living on the road like I do, it's sometimes unavoidable, but I do avoid it when I can.  One way to avoid eating shit is not to let myself get too hungry, and I did let myself, today.  I was also angry (see above) and lonely (stuck in the house) and...okay, I'm not tired, but anyone who's visited a 12-step program knows where I'm going with this.  I HALTed myself into eating shit. 

And believe me, I was sorry.  Less than 2 hours later.  Ugh...won't be doing that again soon.